Gul Panag always said that sexuality is a very private matter

Do films like Straight challenge you as an actor where the scope to perform is minimal?
Every film, every role and every scene I do in films is a challenge. I don't think I'll be able to perform if I am constantly nervous or stressed.

It's difficult to some extent playing a character which has a dominant driving emotion in films like Manorama or Dor. When there isn't a particularly outstanding over bearing trait in her personality, such roles are much harder.

Much harder even to make these characters look real and normal without making it look like it doesn't exist. There is a very fine line between trying to not let it look contrived and fake and then yet not making it look 'thanda' and frigid.

Gul Panag The role hasn't traumatized you, has it?

(Laughs) In terms of mental trauma, this character has given me the most. I remember I asked my director Parvati as to what can I do with my character and she replied back saying just be yourself and be spontaneous.

I was watching an interview she gave yesterday on the television show which was being done on me where she said, "The best thing I like about Gul's work is that when she goes into a scene, she doesn't know what she is going to do".

And that is precisely what I do. I don't know how to react. This character has given me more sleepless nights than any other even though it looks very simple.

What qualities did Parvati have where you would trust her with such an important film?

I'll answer this question even more simply. Parvati and I have done a film before Straight which is still untitled and to be released in the next three four months. It's got a little bit of work left though.

Out of three films Parvati has made, I am in two of them already. I didn't even read the script of Straight till I reached London because that's the kind of faith I had in her. I eventually did and my first reaction was - wow!

Now how do you make a normal character endearing and interesting? For the first three to four days I was really stressed out but the more I was honest to myself and enjoyed on and off the sets, I felt more comfortable. Parvati is normal and that's what makes me trust her.
Have you seen the film and any kind of feedback you've received?
I saw the film three days ago. Ketan Mehta saw the film and said, "I can't believe it. This is your best film ever. You light up the screen". I wasn't expecting such a positive feedback from the film.

Yes, it's a nice film but the insiders have told me something else which is quite shocking. I have to tell you this; there is a young advertising guy who is a good friend of mine too.

He has found a fault in everything I've done except Manorama, whether it's my face, my hands, my hair, my lips, etc. Guess what, he is my truest friend from the industry. He saw Straight and said that he couldn't believe how nice I was.

You aren't a narcissist are you?

Not really. But I remember having a chat with Nagesh during Dor when I wanted to see myself in the monitor as to how I was looking and he said, "It doesn't even matter how you're looking. Do you want to see how you're looking on screen or want people to see the same?"

Has success or failure ever compromised your vision towards commercial cinema?

I don't think there is any other kind of cinema. Every film that is made is made with the intent of earning money. We don't make them for private viewing.

But I'm sure there are filmmakers like Quentin Tarantino who make films for himself only (laughs). That is commerce and that's why it's termed as commercial cinema. I didn't do a Dor thinking that it'll change my life. I haven't thought of success or failure but the day I do, I'll evaluate these things.

How do you empathize or even understand a guy like Pinu Patel?

You don't. He is just a mystery. I remember interviewing Vinay and he was interviewing me. It was an interesting format.

When I was doing that, I realised that he is an inherent good man even though he is twisted in certain ways and I am not saying that in a psychopathic manner. It's what experience we emotionally go through after the screw up that determines ones true character.

I think a person who regrets is a better human being than the person for whom nothing makes a difference. Pinu's character may not be always in the white but when he is in the black, the goodness in him comes out.

Clear this air about Straight being a film about homosexuality.

Straight is a film about a homophobic guy. Pinu Patel is homophobic just like the bulk of the Indian population. In this society you are a conformist and sexuality is one small part of it.

To conform would be to be heterosexual and the non conformists are to be the homosexual. It's all a matter of choice. We've always looked down upon these whether it's in sexuality, thought or any opinion. By and large, we are a homophobic society.

Pinu suddenly figures that there is a possibility that he could just be a gay. Now imagine the trauma of Pinu, a man who hates people who are gays.

Gul Panag Do you think homosexuality should be legalized?

On whether homosexuality should be legalised or not, I've always maintained that sexuality is a very private matter. Neither a society nor a state has any right to interfere in this matter.

They shouldn't even comment on a matter like this, I believe. Tomorrow we'll have a state saying that on Monday we should wear pink underwear, on Tuesday you wear a green one. They will tell us what way to brush our teeth too.

All this is too personal. You shouldn't judge anybody on sexual orientation. I hope I've answered your question.

What makes Straight a tedhi medhi love story?

It's tedhi because it's a typical love story where a boy meets girl, they have some trouble and things work out. A tedhi medhi love story because it's not according to plan in more ways than at least five (laughs) or at least three.

There is this guy who hopes he is a regular guy who is pushing forties. He thinks that one day will come when he finds his match - a girl, and he almost finds her.

He lives in a quintessential hope that all of us live in. His love life is one set of messy things after the other, from one tedha to doosra tedha to teesra tedha.